Empowering Kids

I am often asked by parents, "How can I best support my child when they are struggling?" It’s a question that comes from a place of deep love and care. Naturally, we want to jump in, fix, soothe, and solve. But what if the most empowering thing we could do for our children was not to offer immediate help, but instead, to ask what they already know?

Too often, when children face challenges—whether academic, social, or emotional—adults default to asking, “How can I help you?” While well-intentioned, this question can leave kids feeling stuck. They may not know what they need, or they may sense that the question assumes they are helpless. Instead, a small but powerful shift in our approach can change the dynamic. Asking, “What do you know about this?” or “What do you think might help?” acknowledges their competence and invites them into the problem-solving process.

This shift aligns with the principles of lighthouse parenting, a research-backed approach that emphasizes being a stable, guiding presence rather than a helicopter hovering overhead or a drill sergeant barking orders. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a pediatrician and researcher, introduced the concept of lighthouse parenting to encourage caregivers to provide a strong foundation of support while allowing children to navigate challenges with increasing autonomy. A lighthouse parent doesn’t rush in to remove every obstacle but instead stands firm, shining a light to help kids find their own way.

When we start by asking children what they know, we send a clear message: I believe in you. I see you as capable. This shift can be particularly powerful in moments of frustration or difficulty. Imagine a child struggling with math homework. Instead of saying, “Do you need help?”—which may inadvertently reinforce the idea that they should need help—consider asking, “What do you already understand about this problem?” or “What strategies have worked for you before?”

Not only does this empower children, but it also provides valuable insight into their thinking. Sometimes, they know more than they realize. Other times, they might still need guidance, but instead of rescuing them immediately, we are partnering with them in their learning and growth. This approach builds resilience, self-efficacy, and confidence—qualities that will serve them far beyond childhood.

This mindset shift isn’t about withholding support. It’s about offering it in a way that strengthens rather than weakens. It’s about resisting the urge to be the hero with all the answers and instead embracing the role of a trusted guide.



So the next time you see a child struggling, pause before jumping in with solutions. Instead, ask them what they already know. You might be surprised at the wisdom they carry—and at the confidence they build simply by being trusted to lead the way.